[excerpted from, 9 Keys to Embracing Change: Personal Growth ©2023]

Our second key is that of perspective-taking. In periods of change, we do well to open and stretch our perspective as much as we can.

We want to consider the change itself from as many angles as possible, which will not only help us find new ways of getting through the transition but also of meaning-making along the way. Is it simply to be endured? Or can we find new sources of meaning in this time and process of transition?

Broadening our perspective will also allow us to increase our empathy, and our compassion for others, as we try to view this circumstance through their eyes – anyone’s eyes, beyond our own. We can go about this in three ways: attempting to view the change through the perspective of as many of those directly involved as possible; looking at it from the perspective of our own various selves – the professional me, the family member me, the loyal friend me, etc.; and thirdly, by studying our transition through the lens of various uninvolved people – not ones we know, but rather, how would this look to a stranger? How would it appear to a teacher, a policeman, a priest? Or the difference between the view of a man and that of a woman? Or through the eyes of a child, a young adult, middle-aged, elder? Or someone of another race or ethnicity, religion, political persuasion, or–? In any one of these exercises, we’re increasing our mental flexibility by looking at this time of change through a range of viewpoints. In the end, we just might find we’ve gained insight we never anticipated.

Certainly, if you’re undertaking a process of personal change with the support of a therapist or coach, they’ll be asking you questions such as these. Looking at any given situation from a multitude of perspectives always leads to new insight.

A different way of perspective-taking lies in modalities. Analyzing this time of change in writing, in telling a friend, in making an audio recording of your thoughts – or a video, in drawing or painting something related to it, in designing a graph or chart, in a poem or song or dance – all these and more are various modes of expression and exploration, and each will provide its own unique perspective, from which you can expand not only your view but how you may choose to go through the transition itself.

In embracing change, we’re attempting not just to like it, not only to appreciate its worth, but to actually go through the process as consciously as possible so that we may reduce our anxiety, increase our sense of agency, and use the experience for our own personal growth. In broadening our perspective, we’ll catch new hints of meaning, glimpses of interpretation, and ways of experiencing the change that we hadn’t considered – as well as applications to our own development.

Consider any benefits you may gain from the experience. In efforts of personal growth that we’ve initiated, such benefits are typically our primary motivation for doing so; I want to become healthier, or gain the skills for a better job, or change my toxic relationship patterns. Even the most challenging of changes, and perhaps not in the early stages of change but later, after you’ve gotten over some of the shock, you may find benefits to be gained. Be very honest with yourself; sometimes, there’s benefit in the sympathy and attention we get from others, or in seeing ourselves as victimized so that we needn’t take any responsibility. At the least, you’ll know how to help someone else who’s going through a similar transition at a later date. At best, if this is a change you initiated or welcome, you may find benefits beyond those you’d already expected.

In another aspect of perspective-taking, compare and contrast this change with others you’ve experienced. You’ll likely be doing this anyway, as a natural outcome – we generally do – but you can take it on more deliberately. Make a chart. Or a 2-column list. Find similarities and differences between this and other life-changing events you’ve experienced. What can you apply or adapt from those earlier experiences to this one?

Use visualization to explore all possible outcomes – even the scary or ugly ones, major as well as minor. Do this, though, as if you’re watching a movie, and about someone else’s life. If even that seems too difficult, remove yourself one more degree from the experience; imagine that you’re standing at a distance, watching someone else who is watching the movie that is your current life. Catastrophize. Allow this ‘movie’ to be a disaster film, a thriller, a horror, an action movie – or, a romantic comedy, a feel-good inspirational film. Consider the worst – and, the best – possibilities. (Again, we tend to do this naturally in times of change; here, we want to do so consciously, within our control instead of spinning out of it.) Extreme possibilities, good or bad, are the least likely as outliers; considering them, however, seeing them in our mind’s eye as we take up our courage and visualize them from start to finish, will lessen their emotional effect and help us to function more effectively.

Change is often a chance for reinvention, for rebooting our life, for a do-over. In our perspective-taking, we want to explore this possibility. How many different ways could this experience change your life, change you? How many possible versions of you could emerge from this experience, as that slightly wet, slightly wobbly, winged and beautiful butterfly? Consider all of your potential butterfly outcomes.

Perspective. And perspective-taking. A deliberate process for going through transition in a conscious, engaged manner.