[excerpted from, 9 Keys to Identity Crisis & Resolution: Personal Growth ©2023]

One of the newest forms of CBT, which we can also apply to identity crisis and resolution – and, to our personal growth and transformation, is Acceptance & Commitment Therapy [ACT].

This is a model of psychological flexibility, and therefore a method for personal change – well suited for identity transformation. It brings elements of mindfulness into CBT, yet rather than reframing harmful thought patterns (CBT) or irrational beliefs (REBT), it teaches us to accept our circumstances and negative feelings as simply a part of life.

So how can such acceptance be an element of change?

As in mindfulness, an attitude of acceptance – non-striving, as Buddhism terms it – alongside a focus on the present moment allows us to change more naturally, rather than fighting to do so. ACT has also been termed ‘applied positive psychology’; the latter focuses on all that’s right with one’s mental state of being, and on character strengths whereby we can facilitate change, rather than an attempt to address or reorganize our flaws.

I would say that in the process of identity reformation, we can begin with a personal application of CBT principles – looking for and reorganizing any faulty thought patterns, move on to REBT – seeing if we’ve irrational beliefs about ourselves and/or others that we can transform, and then to engage in a regular practice of ACT by which we accept ourselves and our circumstances specifically as a means to personal growth. Any of the three by itself can be helpful to our identity transformation and resolution of crisis; a combination of the three, even more so.

There are 6 core principles of ACT, often depicted in a hexagon shape and all interrelating with one another, and with psychological flexibility on the whole. They are: acceptance, cognitive defusion, being present, self-as-context, values, and committed action.

Acceptance isn’t mere passivity; rather, we accept and let go of what’s not in our control, in order that we may more clearly determine our actions – the part that is, in fact, within our control. As someone once taught me, 4 decades ago now: when faced with any situation, ask yourself: is this in my control? If not, let it go – and don’t worry; if yes, take action accordingly – and, don’t worry.

In cognitive defusion, similar to the mindfulness technique in observing and letting go of emotions, we learn to recognize our thoughts and observe them, rather than react to them. This objectivity allows us to think more clearly, and to separate thoughts and emotions so that we’re better able to work with them instead. For example, if I’m thinking about learning a new language, and have had difficulty with this previously, I can either feel distress and apprehension at the thought – or I can keep my emotions separate and simply consider this idea instead. Or, if I find myself thinking about a former relationship, if I’ve been able to separate thought from emotion, I can think about and remember or analyze the relationship itself without being triggered into an emotional response.

In our earlier chapter on mindfulness, we looked at the value of maintaining a present-moment focus. As part of the ACT model, the more we can maintain our focus on the present, the better we’re able to function; after all, we cannot change the past and while we can work toward our future, we can’t fully control the outcome. This focus is also a matter of grounding, our sense of stability, especially in times of profound change.

In self-as-context, we learn to maintain an observer status, by which a part of ourself notices our thoughts, feelings, and actions, as if from afar, maintaining objectivity. This isn’t disengagement per se; we don’t aim to be on the sidelines of life. What it does is allow us to better understand our thoughts and feelings, and more clearly determine our actions as a result. By this we also become free of faulty beliefs we may have had about ourselves. Rather than, “I’m such a failure,” we observe, “Oh, there’s my thinking or feeling about failure again,” which serves to further defuse its impact so that we can remain objective. As we work to reformulate our sense of personal identity, such objectivity is especially useful.

In the 5th principle, we learn to better identify and live in keeping with our values. While we all have a set of values, developed over time and influenced from a multitude of directions – family, culture, religion, life experience, and much more can be both what we value, and what’s influenced those values – we aren’t always aware of what they are. We can work to increase our awareness, so that daily living, purpose, and values align with one another for a true presence of meaning. In a crisis of identity, our values often shift, and we must relearn what we most value now, in this next new phase of life.

Finally, committed action. We learn to identify and take steps toward our personally valued goals, despite feelings of discomfort or disturbing thoughts; the focus is less on outcome and more on the steps themselves. This is especially relevant in the identity crisis, as we become increasingly clear about who we’re becoming and who we’d like to be, and focus on the steps necessary to fully integrate this new identity.

The essential skills for ACT, then, include mindfulness itself (see that earlier key), a balanced perspective, identification of changes in our values and our goals and commitment to taking steps in line with same, acceptance of our thoughts and emotions without judgment, and objectivity as we separate our thoughts, beliefs, and feelings from our actions and behaviors – in order that the latter is not propelled by the former.

Acceptance and commitment as a means to change, in our reestablishment of identity.